waiting

today I am really feeling the weight of the waiting.  I know that God is teaching me through this all but a handful of unknowns always is a struggle for me.  I have learned much from being a parent.  Sometimes I wonder in my relationship with my daughter, who is teaching whom.  Adriana has accepted so simply the fact that her sibling is out there.  She loves to talk about babies and I know she will make a wonderful older sister.  She is ready to take on that role with full seriousness. She lives in the now. In every breath. She is concerned with what is in front of her for the time being and does not have a huge grasp on time passing.  She is teaching me to be child-like again.

so while we wait and fill out paperwork....

we travel...

we eat our oatmeal... 

we break things and then make them better...

we play with friends...

we celebrate life and love...

we learn...

we face our fears...

we say goodbye...

and we say hello...

life doesn't always provide a map, but we put one foot in front of the other and strive to hear that voice from above giving us direction we need.

with every breath of life

here I am.

I have a strong desire to keep a blog with memories and life lessons.  I love the idea of having a place for my story to be told and to share.  I've tried the blog thing once before. Here is my daughter's first year of life adventures at adrianastreehouse. However, I fear putting myself out there.  I fear being judged. I don't think I take amazing photos or write inspiring words. But big things are happening in my life. Things that cause me to let go of my fears.  Things that cause me to chase down my dreams and let go of the things that hold me back. So this is where I share that story. The story that shows that with every breath of life I want: to bring glory to my Savior, to love on my family, to create a home where children can grow and learn, to inspire and be inspired, to dream, to learn.

 

In a sense, this is where my story begins...

 I have never felt in a strong way that I was "called to" something.  I have heard of people having strong calling towards things and although I feel I have natural desires and direction in my life I wouldn't say that up until now I have experienced a "calling". I never imagined being in this place before, but now it makes perfect sense.

 

I feel called to adoption.

The beautiful, wonderful thing is that my husband feels the same way. 

We have had different stories that have led us to feel this way. Perhaps he will tell his someday, but for now I can say that I see many things in my past leading up to this point. 

 

 

My father pointed out to me that one of my childhood heroes was, Gladys Aylward.  I remember reading her story about her adventures in the "Inn of the Six Happinesses" She was a missionary to China and helped many orphans and adopted many as her own. 

I remember being in awe of her fierce love and bravery.

Because I was homeschooled, I had the opportunity to travel in my sophomore year of high school to Haiti to help with Water for Life.  While there, some friends and I were able to work in an orphanage in Port Au Prince. I remember my heart being broken over the abandoned children.  Most of our job simply included human contact: playing, holding, loving on them. Although it was a nicer orphanage, I was saddened by the dirty conditions the children had to live in.  Many times, to my horror, when a child had a soiled diaper-one was put on top to cover it up instead of changing it.

Since that trip in high school, I was certain that someday in the future I would adopt a child like that.  Give them a home and a family that I believe every child deserves.  God has taken me on a journey this past year.  A journey that has included pain, beauty, and a huge outpouring of His love through His Scripture.  A study on James in the fall has challenged me that my faith without action is dead.  James had a way of inspiring me to live it out! Am I living what I believe? Do I truly trust God to provide in everything?  Can I let go of what fears and anxiety I have?

 

^"2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." James 1:2-6

 

^"27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

 

So I am going for it. I am going to redeem a child from a horrible situation and give them a family just as God my Father has done for me. I'm scared. There are fears that I am in the process of letting go, but God is grace.  I am excited for the things he is going to show me and the things he is going to teach me. I hope that my story will in some way, inspire you to live out your faith.

Please follow our journey here.

 

With love and patience we wait for our little one...